9 Dec, 05 - 20:42
2615.835N,2145.648W,0M
Latitude: 26° 15' N
Longitude: 21° 45' W
Miles to Antigua: 2237
Miles in last 24 hours: 31
I've spent the last two days feeling angry and frustrated. Why am I injured? Why am I falling behind the rest of the race fleet? Why is the weather not being more helpful? Why am I not enjoying this the way I thought I would?
I thought I was using the right mental techniques to keep myself going - reminding myself why this is important to me, visualising how I'm going to feel when it's finished, telling myself that nothing worthwhile was ever easy. I thought the techniques were succeeding - after all, I hadn't given up - but I still felt overwhelmingly negative.
Today I got a message from Bede, the mental skills coach from Gazing who I'd been working with. 'Keep the faith', he wrote.
I looked again at the laminated A4 chart they'd given me, which I'd velcro'd to the wall of my cabin. One word jumped out at me. Acceptance.
Aha, that tricky old chestnut. I realised I hadn't really accepted my situation. Inside I was still protesting that my injury was unfair, that it shouldn't be happening, instead of accepting that this is just how things are. I'm here, on this bit of ocean, with a dicky shoulder. No point complaining. It is just as it is. Until I accepted this there was no way I was going to make the best of the situation because I was still wasting energy wishing the situation was different.
There was no Hollywood moment as a result of this insight. The pain in my shoulder didn't disappear, the wind didn't start whisking me at 5 knots towards Antigua, no school of dolphins appeared to congratulate me on my new-found wisdom. But I did start feeling a lot less unhappy.
Wind: 12 kts
Weather: sunny
Sea state: moderate
Hours rowing: 12
Hours sleeping: 6
Thought for the day: A man is as happy as he makes up his mind to be
| Atlantic Row Part 1 |
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8 Dec, 05 - 20:39
Latitude: 26° 21' N
Longitude: 21° 10' W
Miles to Antigua: 2268
I'll keep this brief. The sea has been rough today, and I'm feeling a bit rough too. I haven't been seasick, but I don't want to push my luck. My appetite has been conspicuous by its absence, with even tonight's cod and potato casserole failing to hit the spot the way it usually does.
The waves this afternoon were 2-3 metres high, which looks pretty damn big when you're in a little boat with your eyes about 1 metre above the waterline. It made the rowing quite interesting. I'm glad Mum couldn't see me - she'd only have worried. Me, I didn't have time to worry - I was too busy trying to keep the boat on course.
Feeling decidedly dodgy now. More manana.
Wind: 12 kts
Weather: overcast
Sea state: rough
Hours rowing: 12
Hours sleeping: 6
Thought for the day: the key to success is constancy of purpose (Disraeli)
| Atlantic Row Part 1 |
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7 Dec, 05 - 20:50
Latitude: 26° 32' N
Longitude: 20° 37' W
Miles to Antigua: 2299
4pm
It's a pain. It's only a pain. It's only an inconvenient physical sensation. Pain is good - it lets me know I'm alive. Love the pain!
No sorry, it's not working. Pain is... A pain. And I wish the one in my right shoulder blade would go away.
I suspect it's tendonitis - it's got that grating feeling, the same as I once had in my wrist when I was rowing at Oxford. So I've been taking anti-inflammatories and painkillers for 2 days now, but the pain is still there.
It isn't good, after clawing my way back into contention with Chris Martin, to imagine him pulling away again.
Of course I've considered whether this problem is a showstopper. But I realised there's no way this setback will make me quit. Worst case scenario is that I have to stop rowing and drift for a day or so while it gets better. But giving up is not an option. Apart from anything else, if I quit now they'd have to destroy my boat so it wouldn't be a hazard to shipping, and there ain't no way I'm going to allow that to happen.
8pm
Life has a good sense of humour. Ironically, this has probably been one of my best days in terms of miles covered. The wind picked up to 12 knots in the right direction and I've been surfing the waves at about 3 knots, compared with my usual sedate 2 knots. Best of all, it's required almost no effort on my part - I just dip the oars in as I ride the waves to keep the boat on course, not needing to put any strain on my injured shoulder.
Late this afternoon I spoke to Lin on the support vessel Aurora, for advice on maximum dosages of painkillers (good news is I can up the dosage to one every 3 hours, bad news is that at that rate I'll have run out of dihydrocodeine in 4 days). As well as medical advice, she told me Chris is only 8 miles ahead of me - so I'm not dead and buried just yet.
Thanks to people who have sent messages of support to my satphone - ocean rowers Mark M and Sam K, thanks to you especially. I was being really cautious about handing out my number, as I thought I would find texts too distracting, but in fact they've given me a huge boost at this rather difficult stage. Thanks again.
Reap what you sow
On a totally different subject, I've been growing my own veg. I ran out of fresh food a couple of days ago - supplies limited due to constraints of space, weight, and preparation time - so I've implemented my seed-sprouting plan. Put your chickpeas or aduki beans to soak for a few hours, rinse and place in your seed sprouter. Water twice daily, and 2 days later you have fresh, crunchy beansprouts. Great with a splash of soya sauce.
Apparently ancient Chinese mariners used to do the same on long voyages to avoid the scurvy.
As Rob Hamill (Kiwi ocean rower) put it - it's nice to have some food that's life-enhancing rather than just life-sustaining. And food doesn't come much fresher or healthier than this.
Wind: 12 kts
Weather: sunshine and cloud
Sea state: rolling swells
Hours rowing: 12
Hours sleeping: 6
Mantra for the day: steely resolve
Lyric for the day: No one said it would be easy/ but nobody said that it would be this hard
| Atlantic Row Part 1 |
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05 Dec 2005
My usual view
6 Dec, 05 - 20:46
Latitude: 26° 49' N
Longitude: 20° 16' W
Miles from La Gomera: have given up trying to work this one out - see atlanticrowingrace.com for official figure
Miles to Antigua: my GPS makes it 2320
One week into the race, and it's been a real emotional rollercoaster. From seasickness and doubt in the first 24 hours, to quiet contentment as I established a disciplined routine for life on board; from consternation over the watermaker and lack of electric power, to a sense of satisfaction as I resolved the technical problems; from endorphin-induced euphoria as I rowed powerfully through the night, to glum depression this afternoon as grinding pain in my right shoulder blade led to early abandonment of my rowing shift.
I knew the first week would be the hardest, and I can only hope that the worst is indeed over. At times it's been only my utter conviction that I can and will do this thing that has kept me going.
Grrr, I hate sounding negative. Other people have done much tougher things than this. But I haven't, and there have been many moments when I've wondered if I am up to it. But I'm still here, still hanging in there, and not only that, but I'm not far off the pace. Chris Martin, the only solo male, and I have been swapping places at the back of the pack for the last few days, and we're not far behind the hindmost of the pairs. This is encouraging.
Nature Watch
People have been asking what wildlife I've been seeing. The answer, until today, was diddly-squat. I'd seen no whales, the dolphins were a no-show, and even birds were few and far between. The only visible wildlife was a small pink homo sapiens of the Savage variety.
But today... I was just having my midday sleep (I only sleep for 4 hours at night so have a quick kip just after lunch) when suddenly there was a loud impact on my boat. My first thought was that I'd run into Chris Martin. I jumped out of the hatch and looked around. Nothing. The sound came again. I looked down and there was a big green turtle gazing lugubriously at me.
He hung around for a few minutes, but defied all attempts to take a photograph of him. If he comes back I'll try again. Maybe he's the same turtle who hung around Debra Veal's boat - maybe he just hangs out in the Atlantic on the lookout for slow-moving solo female ocean rowers ha can make a move on...
Wind: 11 kts
Weather: sunshine and cloud
Sea state: feisty and getting feistier
Hours rowing: 10
Hours sleeping: 6
Song for the day: Shine On You Crazy Diamond by Pink Floyd
| Atlantic Row Part 1 |
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