At some point last summer, I received a speaking request from a man named Ed Smart representing an organization called Rhema Ministries in South Africa. I thought it was an odd fit for me, talking about polar expeditions to large congregation half way around the world, but after a quick google search, the church seemed legit. Still, there was something that felt a bit off, but I followed up with my speaking fee requirements regardless. I like to give people the benefit of the doubt.

After some deliberation, Ed replied with an extensive contract replete with reimbursement for 'business class' air fare (nearly $10,000). I was shocked. Polar Adventures simply don't get those types of contracts. Needless to say, I was excited at the possibility.

As the email chain progressed, I started to become more and more wary. Something just didn't seem 'right'. When the contract arrived and suggested I needed to pay an additional 'work permit' with a separate person, I realized I was being scammed. I did a quick online search which confirmed my suspicions. Another speaker in England had received a similar correspondence from Ed Smart and detailed the entire scam.

Now, a better person than me might have just ended it right there. No real harm done. Move on and finish more important projects.

Unfortunately that person isn't me. Instead of Ed wasting my time and scamming me. My pay back would be wasting 'Ed's' time... or whoever Ed was. My plan was to start with a few simple questions then slowly make things weirder. How long could I string Ed along? How would Ed respond to my craziest possible scenario?

I employed a basic conspiracy theorist tactic: build an ever increasing series of far fetched scenarios spawned by very tiny truths.

And so now dear reader, and without further adieu, I give you my magnum opus:

Hello Eric, I was checking flights and they seem to be on the rise, SAA is over $10,000 and Delta is just over $8,200 at present, do you intend booking Delta or United? It seems most flights will be flying from NYC so will you also make a booking for a connecting flight? As I understand you are in Colorado. We are just trying to get the trivial details in place as well. Thanks.

Ed Smart
*************************

Dear Ed,

I have booked my flight on United and yesterday on United and will arrive on September 11th. The final price was just under $8,000 USD. I will send an invoice once all the other paperwork is completed.

Can you please provide me the name of the driver who will be picking me up at the airport? It is very important for me to be on a first name basis with all the people whom I work with. Also, I have several very strict dietary restrictions due to food allergies. Can you please contact the hotel, driver and anyone else who I may come in contact with that I am very allergic to nuts and shellfish. Lastly, I have recently stopped drinking any soft drinks (coke, pepsi, sprite) so I would ask that these be removed from my hotel room. Thank you!

Eric
*************************

Thank you for this information Eric, It is great you made the flight booking already. :). 'Jamison' is the name of the driver who would be picking you up at the airport. I will also let him know so he can stay clear of nuts and shellfish, I am not a fan of shellfish myself.

I will also inform the hotel management to remove soft drinks from your room.

Thank you and let me know if there anything else. Gods blessings.

Ed Smart
*************************

HI Ed,

Thank you for your prompt reply as well as accommodating my dietary restrictions. I appreciate the effort. Of course, I look forward to meeting Jamison at the airport as well as the rest of the Rhema Ministries team in September!

I had a small mix up with the work permit fee, but I will be able to correct that with Western Union on Monday. In the mean time, I wanted to discuss my presentation with you and some ideas that I think might make this a memorable event for your congregation.

Besides being a world renown adventurer I also am an amateur country-western singer. In 2012, I actually qualified for the semi finals of 'American Idol' missing out on the finals by just a few points to a 14 year-old girl from Kansas who sang a hip hop version of Bette Middler's 'the wind beneath my wings'!?! Go figure?

Anyway, the reason I am writing this is that I am very interested in opening my presentation with a new song I have been working on for the past several months that provides listeners with an overview of my adventures. During the song, I would also like to show images from different trips I have taken in the past 10 years. In order to be able to do this, I have several questions:

1. I generally travel with my guitar, but prefer to play piano. Do you have access to a piano at the hall?
2. Sound system - I will be bringing a custom microphone that I use for all my performances, but want to make sure it connects with your system. Can you tell me the voltage of the amp/sound system? I may have an adapter, but I want to be sure everything is correct to ensure a rich and vibrant sound for your audience.
3. I am currently reformatting a lot of my images (to play while I am singing). Can you tell me the size of the screen that my images will be projected on during my song and following presentation? As a very serious professional adventure photographer, I adhere to the PPA (Professional Photographers of America) standards of photo formatting and want to make sure my pictures will be crisp and clear for your audience.
4. While I have a goal of finishing my presentation in 55 minutes (with time for questions), my lectures often go over that mark. Can you please let me know your exact time constraints.

Of course, I have a few more questions about Cape Town and potentially some 'tourist' activities afterwards, but I will save that for a separate email. Again, thank you so much in advance for helping me with these questions. I personally believe that attention to detail now will make a better experience for you and your group!

Eric
*************************

Hello Eric, thank you for the information you have provided. We do have a piano at the Church though I am not familiar with the specification but it is a very standard piano by Yamaha and has everything you need I am sure, I will connect with the tech. team to ask for sound specifications but we also have a very hi tech sound system which include equalizers, mixers and loud sound speakers.

For the images, we will provide two projectors screens each about 82 inches, this will be available at the hall as well as lapel mics and if you prefer, hand held mics but since you will provide your own custom mic, we will gladly incorporate this into our sound system. I am definite this will not be a problem. I am also a photographer but an amateur :) I mostly do it for fun.

I look forward to meeting with you personally as I would love to see images of your various adventures, it will indeed be my pleasure to be your guide during your stay in Cape town and I am sure it will be an exciting experience.

Thank you and God bless. We look forward to the experience.

Ed Smart
*************************

Hi Eric, hope your day is coming along well. Can you please send us your flight itinerary so we can be sure of the arrival time so we can have Jamison ready and waiting for you at the arrivals.

Thanks.

Ed Smart
*************************

Hi Ed - I hope you had a great weekend. Thank so much for the information regarding your sound system, screen and piano. I have a yamaha piano at home too (what are the odds???) so I think it will be seamless performance!

I also wanted to get your recommendation for tour operators for diving with Great White Sharks. For as long as I can remember, I've wanted to see a great white shark up close and personal. The difference from other divers and myself is that I am hoping to actually find a tour guide who will let me dive OUTSIDE of the cage. I know that may seem dangerous and I can honestly say I need to get a bit more diving experience before this happens (I have enrolled in a local diving class here in Colorado and hope to have enough dives by the time of my presentation). But after completing so many world record expeditions and adventures, I have found that doing things the 'normal' and 'safe' way just doesn't provide me the excitement in life that I'm looking for. Most of my friends say that I am addicted to the 'adrenaline rush' but for me it's just about pushing my personal limitations. My goal is to always come back ALIVE!!!

I talked to the production company that I worked for my last expedition as they expressed a lot of interest in filming my dive as well as my time in South Africa (and hopefully a safari as well). They asked me to put together an itinerary and budget for this 'side' adventure. We had a great discussion talking about how the piece should be filmed and some of the messages that we want to convey. They seemed to really like the idea of portraying the sharks as gentle giants versus the ferocious predators that they normally shown as.

The producer also mentioned, he would like to interview a few people from Rhema as well as film my performance and presentation. I think this will provide a lot of exposure for your church!!!

1. Can we film the presentation and interview you and/or several other people from the church?
2. Can you connect me with a Shark Diving outfitter who I can pay an extra 'fee' to be able to work outside the normal 'rules'?
3. It looks like we will have a small crew of three people (4 including myself). Would Jamison be available (obviously we would pay him) to drive the film crew to various locations for filming? Does he also have access to a larger van to accommodate four people and camera gear?
4. I'm also wondering if you think that my film crew will need work permits? While they are technically not getting paid by any South Africans they will be working... Because the crew will be fairly conspicuous, I want to make sure that we don't get stopped by local police, etc while filming any scene.
5. We will also need assistance with planning our food menu and potential having a caterer for the film crew, do you have any recommendations? Again, because of my severe allergy it needs to be someone who does not cook with nuts or shell fish.
6. Lastly the film will be produced on a tight budget, the crew will need to sleep in my hotel room while I am there. Can you also check with the hotel management to have some extra blankets available in my room? Thanks so much.

Anyway, my flight info is as follows; however, I may now change this itinerary to arrive 1-2 days earlier because of filming.

United Airlines Flight 1733
September 9-Confirmation #EPKJRS

See attached for departure/return dates

Thanks again. This is all very exciting and I am very much looking forward to meeting everyone.

Eric
*************************

Hi Eric, thanks so much for your email, we will be very excited to accommodate and entertain you and the expedition crew, this is indeed a nice opportunity and I would love to join in the adventure if I can. I am sure it will be very interesting.

1. Can we film the presentation and interview you and/or several other people from the church? Of course you can, I will be very glad to arrange this and I will also be available for an interview.
2. Can you connect me with a Shark Diving outfitter who I can pay an extra 'fee' to be able to work outside the normal 'rules'? Okay, I will work on this and will let you know asap, I am sure I can connect with someone who has an outfit as my cousin also loves diving.
3. It looks like we will have a small crew of three people (4 including myself). Would Jamison be available (obviously we would pay him) to drive the film crew to various locations for filming? Does he also have access to a larger van to accommodate four people and camera gear? We will provide you with a comfortable vehicle, a wrangler, I am sure this will be ideal.
4. I'm also wondering if you think that my film crew will need work permits? While they are technically not getting paid by any South Africans they will be working... Because the crew will be fairly conspicuous, I want to make sure that we don't get stopped by local police, etc while filming any scene. No, you can proceed with the acquisition of yours alone as they will not need work permit for their expedition, since we are inviting just you for the speaking engagement, I am sure they can come in as tourists, so work permit will not be necessary.
5. We will also need assistance with planning our food menu and potential having a caterer for the film crew, do you have any recommendations? Again, because of my severe allergy it needs to be someone who does not cook with nuts or shell fish. I know of someone who is right for this job, she owns a catering service and she is vast with continental dishes.
6. Lastly the film will be produced on a tight budget, the crew will need to sleep in my hotel room while I am there. Can you also check with the hotel management to have some extra blankets available in my room? Thanks so much. We will be glad to talk to the management, but then, can we book an extra room for the crew then? I guess this will be more comfortable.

I have also received the United booking confirmation but I cannot view it as it seems you booked with a different last name. I so look forward to meeting you and the crew.

Do have a blessed day.

Ed Smart
*************************

Hi Ed - this is all great news. I have been working on sorting all the flights with the camera crew and as well as overall itinerary. As I mentioned our budget for the filming project is very tight so yes, I think we will actually share our room. I was able to get a good price on economy tickets for the crew and we will actually be arriving at roughly the same time (within an hour - even though they leave 10 hours earlier than me). Anyway, if it's OK with Jamison, I'd like to wait at the airport for the film crew to arrive.

There are a few more details I will need to get sorted but it looks like everything is coming together for this amazing event.

In my family, it is customary that we always bring a gift to our hosts when traveling. Would it be acceptable to bring a bottle or two of Colorado finest spirits - from one of the local distilleries for you, Jamison and perhaps even Linda as a token of appreciation?

I have often found that a sip or two always takes the edge off a long travel day. :)

Eric
*************************

This is indeed great news, we are glad everything is falling into place, glory be to God. Jamison will be willing to wait for your crew as well, that will not be a problem.

As for the drinks, thank you but I do not drink, but I appreciate the offer and thanks once again.

It will really be nice if you can send is flight details of the crew as well. Thanks and God bless.

Ed Smart
*************************

Hello Ed - There is a government agency watching my every move now. I think it's the CIA but it could be the NSF. I must be very careful what I write from here on out. Luckily, I have a very specific set of skills that I have been honing for the past 25 years should a situation like this arise which means I will be able to evade entrapment long enough to make my September flight and speaking commitment at Rhema.

I think the reason I am being monitored is some of my expedition work in Russia (in 2005). At the time, I was contacted by several 'locals' about transferring documents back to the US. Needless to say, I have now been an official 'courier' on nearly every one of my abroad trips since. Of course, don't bother checking with any of the official US agencies. All my work has been contracted through a series of handlers so none of the top brass even know I exist. Still, I'm placing my headquarters under orange alert.

Sierra Oscar Uniform Tango Hotel. Alfa Foxtrot Romeo India Charlie Alfa!

By any chance do you know German? This may help in future emails.

I've also been in contact through short wave radio with the production company (we both knew this would happen sooner or later) and the entire team feels that the gentle giant Great White Shark documentary is worth the risk. We have decided to implement a 'smoke and mirror' strategy as this has worked for us in the past.

Due to this recent development, I will most likely be hiring a team of body guards to work in conjunction with Jamison's services. We may also need to upgrade the Jeep Wrangler.

Be rest assured that none of this will affect my presentations/singing with Rhema. Thank you again and I look forward to seeing you soon.

Eric
*************************

Eric, I really don't understand the contact of your email. Was that really meant for me?

Ed Smart
*************************

Can you get me body guards and a larger vehicle? It is of utmost importance that you answer immediately!!!

Eric

And with that it ended. Anticlimax for sure, but I'm going to call it a victory - at least that's how I'm choosing to see it.