Savage scream: vocal therapy.
11 Feb, 06 - 20:23
(with apologies to the makers of Alien)
Today I hit the wall. Big time. By lunchtime I'd already abandoned two shifts early, stormed off in a sulk, procrastinated, petulated and generally behaved more like a spoiled child than an intrepid adventurer.
I'd tried every trick in my emotional toolbox but I just couldn't find it in me to row another stroke. Routine and discipline had totally broken down.
How many times have I done this? I've lost count. Each time I recover and I think I've cracked it, but then a few weeks later it happens again. Maybe I just don't have an ocean-rowing temperament.
I'd maybe put myself under impossible pressure by announcing my intention to reach Antigua by the end of the month. I've been putting in an extra rowing shift at the end of the day and reduced my sleep to 4 hours, but without the wholehearted co-operation of the weather this strategy has succeeded only in making me weary and teary, without achieving any extra mileage.
So for now the Big Push is postponed, and I'm reverting to my 12-hour routine. I need to be gentler with myself. In my current state I'm worse than useless - I'm self-destructing.
I'm going to have a restorative nap - a brief journey to the Land of Nod to take a mental break from being an ocean rower - and then I'm going to try out a suggestion from ocean rower Westie. I'm going to stand stark naked on deck, hanging onto the roll bar and facing the bows, and I'm going to yell and scream and curse at the ocean until I've vented all my frustration. And then, hopefully, I can get down to some rowing.
Other stuff:
Correction to Team C2 information texted to me yesterday: they actually took 13 days to cover the last 1000 miles, not 23. So maybe my goal isn't impossible, although it will require a) more help from the weather, and b) more rowing from me than was achieved today.
Thanks to Lucy from Woodvale for the messages. Nice to hear the whole of Antigua is waiting for me! Will try not to keep them waiting TOO much longer.
Messages: thanks to Mike & Izzy Urry (great to hear from you!), Mel and tribe, Bri, AJ, Sean Chapple, John T, HSS (forgiven!), Avelline, the Galls, Andy & Emer (you serious? Thank you! Hope rib now better), Kevin, Margaret and Bob, Kurt, Tanya, Lynne (lovely message - thanks), Anton, Mike M (will be good in your absence. Write a book? Think there are enough books about ocean rows already!), Susan Frederick.
For GPS position, race position and miles from La Gomera, see http://www.atlanticrowingrace.co.uk
Wind: E, about 12-18 knots (estimate)
Weather: overcast and humid in morning, hot sunshine in afternoon
Sea state: moderate to rough
Hours rowing: 6
| Atlantic Row Part 3 |
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My Simrad chartplotter showing 999 miles to go.
10 Feb, 06 - 20:33
Less than 1000 miles to Antigua. This is a major milestone for me - getting down into triple figures. The end may not be exactly in sight, but it soon will be.
There were times when Antigua seemed an impossible dream, inconceivably distant and unattainable. How many times in the first two months of my row did I wish that I could somehow be relieved of this challenge I'd taken on - that fate would intervene and allow me to unshoulder this burden without death or dishonour.
But now, having got this far, I will be forever disappointed if I don't see it through. Most of the crews who have come to grief have suffered their mishap between here and the finish, so I'm certainly not taking it for granted that I will get there, but I now feel strong enough to claim that if I don't make it to Antigua it won't be for lack of will or determination on my part.
Last night I dreamed I was arriving in English Harbour... but I mustn't get too excited, too soon. 1000 miles is still a long way to go, and anything could yet happen.
Other stuff:
Today has been a weary kind of day - humid and oppressive. Even the red ensign looked weary as it fluttered weakly from its mast. On days like this, when the wind and the waves are so silent, I get this awful feeling of being stuck in an eternal moment, as if I've been rowing this ocean for ever, and will be for evermore.
I was downcast for a while this morning, after getting a text saying Team C2 had taken 23 days to cover the last 1000 miles. If two big blokes rowing in shifts around the clock took that long, then surely my hopes of reaching Antigua by the end of the month were an impossible dream. But never say die. I can but try, and apart from anything else it cheers me up to think that dry land could be less than 3 weeks away. Still being at sea for longer than that I find unimaginable.
Yesterday I rang the Aurora, and asked them ever so nicely if they would mind please not coming to visit. It's tough enough to keep going as it is, and I fear for the effect on my morale if my routine is disrupted and I see people who have easy access to hot food and company. Best I keep myself to myself for a while longer.
Texts: thanks for messages from Caroline, Nige M, Margaret and Bob, Kurt (Monty useless as a rower, unfortunately - arms and legs way too short!), Alasdair from Team Sevenoaks, HSS, Lizann, John T, DB, Natalie (do please give me your support in this push for home - need all the help I can get! Pics of myself when there's a swell? There's ALWAYS a swell!), Kevin from Tamarind (looking forward to that free lunch), Mar (oh, it would be so nice if the 'right' wind is just around the corner!), Oliver aged 9 (Monty says hello), COTB (£1000? Tell me more!), Pascale & Terrence (hope to see you in Antigua asap!), Tim Ratbag.
Rita Savage's PS: Sponsored miles: 1972 Mar Alvarez; 1999 John Sugden and Henry Harris-Burland coming up soon.
For GPS position, race position and miles from La Gomera, see http://www.atlanticrowingrace.co.uk
Wind: E, about 12 knots (estimate)
Weather: overcast, humid, occasional hot sunshine
Sea state: moderate
Hours rowing: 15
| Atlantic Row Part 3 |
|
My Simrad chartplotter showing 999 miles to go.
10 Feb, 06 - 20:33
Less than 1000 miles to Antigua. This is a major milestone for me - getting down into triple figures. The end may not be exactly in sight, but it soon will be.
There were times when Antigua seemed an impossible dream, inconceivably distant and unattainable. How many times in the first two months of my row did I wish that I could somehow be relieved of this challenge I'd taken on - that fate would intervene and allow me to unshoulder this burden without death or dishonour.
But now, having got this far, I will be forever disappointed if I don't see it through. Most of the crews who have come to grief have suffered their mishap between here and the finish, so I'm certainly not taking it for granted that I will get there, but I now feel strong enough to claim that if I don't make it to Antigua it won't be for lack of will or determination on my part.
Last night I dreamed I was arriving in English Harbour... but I mustn't get too excited, too soon. 1000 miles is still a long way to go, and anything could yet happen.
Other stuff:
Today has been a weary kind of day - humid and oppressive. Even the red ensign looked weary as it fluttered weakly from its mast. On days like this, when the wind and the waves are so silent, I get this awful feeling of being stuck in an eternal moment, as if I've been rowing this ocean for ever, and will be for evermore.
I was downcast for a while this morning, after getting a text saying Team C2 had taken 23 days to cover the last 1000 miles. If two big blokes rowing in shifts around the clock took that long, then surely my hopes of reaching Antigua by the end of the month were an impossible dream. But never say die. I can but try, and apart from anything else it cheers me up to think that dry land could be less than 3 weeks away. Still being at sea for longer than that I find unimaginable.
Yesterday I rang the Aurora, and asked them ever so nicely if they would mind please not coming to visit. It's tough enough to keep going as it is, and I fear for the effect on my morale if my routine is disrupted and I see people who have easy access to hot food and company. Best I keep myself to myself for a while longer.
Texts: thanks for messages from Caroline, Nige M, Margaret and Bob, Kurt (Monty useless as a rower, unfortunately - arms and legs way too short!), Alasdair from Team Sevenoaks, HSS, Lizann, John T, DB, Natalie (do please give me your support in this push for home - need all the help I can get! Pics of myself when there's a swell? There's ALWAYS a swell!), Kevin from Tamarind (looking forward to that free lunch), Mar (oh, it would be so nice if the 'right' wind is just around the corner!), Oliver aged 9 (Monty says hello), COTB (£1000? Tell me more!), Pascale & Terrence (hope to see you in Antigua asap!), Tim Ratbag.
Rita Savage's PS: Sponsored miles: 1972 Mar Alvarez; 1999 John Sugden and Henry Harris-Burland coming up soon.
For GPS position, race position and miles from La Gomera, see http://www.atlanticrowingrace.co.uk
Wind: E, about 12 knots (estimate)
Weather: overcast, humid, occasional hot sunshine
Sea state: moderate
Hours rowing: 15
| Atlantic Row Part 3 |
|
3 out of 4 pairs of rowing gloves are now in tatters.
Caroline suggested cutting off the fingers to relieve
pressure on nails - not strictly necessary.
9 Feb, 06 - 20:43
It's time to up the ante. I want to be in English Harbour by the end of February. It's a lot to ask, and will require a significant increase in my daily mileage. I've learned a lot about myself already on this row. Now it's time to find out something new - am I tough enough to do what it takes to make landfall by the end of the month?
It will mean extending my daily rowing schedule and reducing my sleep. It will also require 100% co-operation from the ocean and the weather - and we know they often have their own ideas. I'm willing to put in the hours if they're willing to send me a good easterly wind, a strong easterly swell, and a consistent easterly current every day for the next 20 days, and deliver me precisely to English Harbour.
Not so much to ask, surely?!
I had words with the ocean yesterday. Not the sort of words I usually hurl in its direction, most of which are unrepeatable here, but beseeching words, pleading for some sweet water. And it seems to have worked. Conditions for most of today were splendid. Wind and swell were pushing me towards Antigua, with enough strength to make for good progress, but not so strong as to endanger my fragile, patched-up oars... But now they're calming down to that awkward inbetweeny state - too rough for comfortable rowing, not strong enough to surf. Only time will tell if Mr Atlantic is going to help me out.
Other stuff:
Maybe as a symbol of the new entente cordiale between me and the ocean, I saw dolphins for the first time today. About 20 of them passed by, in groups of between 3 and 6, coming within about 10 feet of my boat. They didn't pay me much attention, but it was a real boon to see them anyway.
Another reason I want to get a move on is that if I don't make landfall by the end of the month I'm going to start running out of things, like rowing gloves. Other things on the critical list are wet wipes, Wholebake 9 Bars, suntan lotion and chocolate.
Texts: thanks for messages from Rodders (relieved and pleased to hear from you. Sorry - didn't get your earlier messages! X), the Evanses in Sydney (hi there Mr & Mrs Guts!), John T, George S, HSS, Elise Laverick (hi to TRC!), Bill Carey Evans, Rhea Kingswell, Martin Chambers, Jeff, Isabel Martin (Chris's mum), DB.
Rita Savage's PS: More sponsored miles for which grateful thanks and acknowledgement: 1901-6 Andy and Emer Osborne; 1908-28 also Andy and Emer; 1907 Gwenaelle and Hayden Transon; and coming up before long: 1937 David Bridge; 1940 Nicholas Marden-Taylor.
For GPS position, race position and miles from La Gomera, see http://www.atlanticrowingrace.co.uk
Wind: E, about 8-20 knots (estimate)
Weather: mostly overcast, occasional sunshine
Sea state: moderate to rough
Hours rowing: 12
| Atlantic Row Part 3 |
|
